Thursday, January 21, 2010

a love poem to my lover (suicide note 22)

plummet down colors like plumb fading
in holes aqua midnight forest dwelling bones dislocating
i had the time of my life making love to you
i had the time of my life making love to you
i read backwards the lord’s prayer to bring vision
in my candle’s flame to tell of solomon’s wisdom
i played smearing blood in cult like ritual
on the flat surface of the painted white barstool
i drank myself to death in my bedroom to see you
when i closed my eyes newscast, music review, movie preview
water my pallet....fuck...i’m choking on something
my chalice treats me well like a girlfriend in an altruist spirited so kindly to one suffering
i dont know god, i dont know god, i dont know go, i dont know god,
but i hear he’s really promisin
to end up big with lots of followers
ive wrote him alot of letters, im sure he cant answer them all.
so i’m good, my faith is still fine, if i got a bottle of tennessee whiskey by my side
i'm waiting for you to get ready, im watching you put your makeup on, sitting on the toilet
watching your eyelashes fall up and down, feet on the ground, tiptoes up and down
i'm sure you're asleep so how can we do these things
if i sleep my whole life and you keep leaving me,
but it's over and over
suppurating at my mouth, foaming, erupting, boiling, and loving
magma of depths within rocks leak out clefts
prayers take form like spilled oil cans
trickle out from entwined hands
the picture of your face in smoke around wherever my insides land.
i am no separate from the forest without paws just digits and command.
like old bearded captain rolling over brine and gray sea to sand
barrel of rum to continue and find
instead fermented maize and rye
the sky open like the depths i have conquered as a piece of purpose like a pawn
salted wounds  would no longer fester to long
to break through grassy brush from midnight to dawn
to just find you however far i could go
in dream, in witchcraft, in god's plan, in song, in sand,
in dirty converse, death, in sea, forest, in sky and land.

i will kill myself if you don't love me

1 comment:

Eva said...

"I will kill myself if you don't love me". I've felt that before, nearly died because of it. Your blog makes me wonder what its like in your head. And how you get it all out so well in a way that makes no sense at all but I can somehow understand it.